D.I.C.K.
Genre: Dark Comedy
Director: Chris Morris
Writer: Jacob Jones
Cast: Adam Sandler, Omari Hardwick, Hilary Swank, Noah Centineo, Ajiona Alexus, Raul Esparza, Christopher McDonald, Riley Reid
Plot: In the streets of Kentucky, thousands of bodies brawl with one another, some people being shot, stabbed, and even bitten. Amidst the sea of bodies are two men in particular, Kenneth Fuller (Adam Sandler) and Aaron Thatcher (Omari Hardwick). Aaron tells Kenneth that it’s gone too far. Kenneth claims he hasn’t gone far enough and slams Aaron into the ground.
In narration, Kenneth asks how such a thing could happen. You see, he was once the president of a beloved nation. A nation, unlike any the world, had ever seen. A place of love, courage and respect. A place called Thistopia.
A Few Months Ago:
Kenneth, dressed in only a Hawaiian shirt and underwear, stands on top of a lawn chair, declaring that today is a special day. Kenneth has begun a new country called Thistopia. He plays their national anthem on a kazoo which draws the ire of his sister and disgraced actress Margaret (Hilary Swank). She angrily asks him why he’s making so much noise when she’s got a splitting headache.
Kenneth introduces the citizens to his ‘shit-ster’, only for her to point out that those are just Funko Pops and stuffed toys he bought at Walmart. The two siblings start shouting at one another when Aaron Thatcher stops by, looking to drop off some books. Upon seeing the scene, a baffled Aaron asks Kenneth what he’s doing.
Kenneth tells Aaron that he’s started a new country called Thistopia. A country that will be better than America in every conceivable way. Despite his skepticism, Aaron’s hand is forced when Kenneth openly calls him the Vice President. When asked why, Kenneth says that it makes sense since the two have been friends since they were in diapers. Not wanting to disappoint him, Aaron reluctantly accepts the proposal.
Upon Thistopia’s founding, Aaron finds that a lot of Kenneth’s ideas are borderline authoritarian, including one where all citizens must treat him as a God or they will be sent to his pool to be drowned to death. As the days pass, Kenneth grows unhappy. He sits in his ‘office’ (which is really just his bedroom), throwing a small tantrum over the lack of people in their ‘nation’. Noticing his frustration, Aaron points out that countries try to bring people over by creating ads. Kenneth thinks about it and then asks Aaron if he knows anyone from YouTube.
Unfortunately for him, the ads for people to join Thistopia fail to land, especially since at the end of the day, it is still just a backyard. In a rage, Kenneth trashes his bedroom and is only calmed down when he throws a chair at Margaret. After laughing hysterically, Kenneth suggests sprucing up his backyard, only for Margaret to tell him to join the military so he can be bombed twenty times over.
The next day, a well-built young man named Brody (Noah Centineo) stands just outside Kenneth’s house alongside his gang, The Wild Animalz asking why he needs his services. Kenneth tells Brody that he wants them to be Thistopia’s own personal military so they can take land from others. Brody takes one look at Kenneth’s backyard and is about to leave when Kenneth offers to bring in anyone he chooses. Brody accepts the offer. Later that day, The Wild Animalz sneak into a family’s house and shoot with their guns, killing everyone they see, bolting upon seeing police cars.
For their reward, Brody introduces Kenneth to a homeless man named Dave Rogers (Christopher McDonald). Despite his troubles, Dave happily shakes Kenneth’s hand and is named the Chief Justice, moving him into the house of the now-deceased family. Seeing this, several other homeless people walk up to Kenneth, asking if they can stay with him. Sensing an opportunity, Kenneth welcomes them in. Within a few days, Kenneth’s backyard becomes a thriving community of druggies, stoners, and old people.
Trouble emerges when multiple fights break out between the people. Unsure of how to handle this, Kenneth considers starting a Thistopian Fight Club, but Aaron has a better idea. Entertainment. Give the people something they want to see. Kenneth, in all his one-track-minded glory, immediately blurts out that the people want strippers. Aaron watches as Kenneth bolts off, absolutely confused. Margaret stumbles in, telling Aaron that watching Kenneth be a shithead has been the most entertainment she's gotten in years.
Upon entry to the strip club, he is greeted by the sight of barely clothed women dancing for horny men. One person takes his eye though, top-flight stripper Charlize Angelle (Ajionda Alexa),r. Upon meeting her, Kenneth asks if she would like to discuss something important with him. Not sure of what that is, she nonetheless accepts his proposal.
The next day, Charlize is introduced as Thistopia’s personal entertainer. This not only energizes the people already living in Thistopia, it drives more people (mainly horny young men) to join in. As Thistopia continues to grow and reaches its golden age, Brody and his Wild Animalz continue to schedule hit-and-runs, creating ‘land’ for Thistopia.
One evening, however, during an especially rowdy night, police cars roll into Kenneth’s house and request they tone down the noise. Kenneth and the ‘citizens’ of Thistopia respond by flipping them off. Kenneth goes a step further by telling the cops to kiss his ass and mooning the crowd. When the police go in to arrest him, Margaret breaks an empty glass bottle of vodka over his head, igniting a full-scale brawl that sees several people killed and others severely injured. Kenneth manages to escape and crashes at Dave’s for the night, hiding under his bed.
The next day, Kenneth declares ‘war’ on America for disgracing Thistopia. As such, he announces the ban of all American books, American pop-stars and most importantly, the banning of Tom Brady himself (“He used to be a patriot, what the fuck do you think?”). Aaron questions Kenneth on if he knows what he’d be doing declaring war on another country. After showing Kenneth pictures of dead bodies, Aaron suggests hiring someone who knows foreign policy. Kenneth disagrees, considering no one to be Thistopian enough, only to suggest the same thing seconds later. Once Kenneth leaves, Marataret steps in, asking if he’s seriously considered blasting Kenneth’s brains in, calling him a nut.
Sometime later, Aaron and Margaret are introduced to Mando Castillo (Raul Hernandez), a lawyer and college professor from the University of Kentucky. Aaron is surprised to learn that Kenneth has found someone sensible to run the department only to become suspicious when Mando mentions that he’s proud to be a part of this ‘social experiment’. That evening, Mando accidentally runs into Margaret doing cocaine on the sofa while Charlize watches. Flustered, he rushes out of Kenneth’s house and reports the news to his new boss. Drunk out of her mind, Margaret explains to Charlize that life is fleeting and encourages her to make the most of it. Margaret offers a drink to Charlize, who takes it despite her hesitancy.
The drinking goes into the next morning when a clearly intoxicated Charlize blows a kiss to Kenneth and goes outside with only her bra and panties on. As she flails and flops about, Aaron begins to question if it’s too late to back out when he sees Kenneth wearing an outfit eerily similar to the ones worn by dictators of the past. During Kenneth’s speech, he warns the people about the evils of alcohol and SpongeBob, suggesting that both are somehow related to one another. Regardless, everyone latches onto that thinking, except for Charlize who proceeds to tell Kenneth to fuck off.
Following this outburst, Kenneth and Charlize argue in his office when Charlize reveals what she did last night with Margaret. Enraged, Kenneth calls up Brody and tells him to arrest Margaret and Charlize. He takes them to Dave’s house where upon entering finds several people passed out and Dave stoned out of his mind. He tells Margaret and Charlize to spend the night inside his bathroom. In a desperate attempt to avoid her sentence, Charlize offers sex to Dave, which only leads him to extend the sentence.
Once Charlize and Margaret are taken and locked in the bathroom, Brody walks down the stairs and sits with Dave. The two talk about life for a bit while smoking weed. As it turns out. both men used to have aspirations in their lives. Dave was hoping to make it big in hockey, while Brody was going to be the next great professional wrestler. Unfortunately, drugs and booze would destroy those dreams. Dave, taking pity on Brody, warns him to not go down the same path he did as he at least still has a life to live.
Back in Kenneth’s house, Aaron is reaching a breaking point. Not only is Kenneth starting to grow more authoritarian and outlandish, but he has also discovered that he has a new secretary and is following her ideas instead. He knocks on the door to Kenneth’s ‘office’ only to receive no response. He opens the door, shocked to find Kenneth and his new secretary Serena Womack (Riley Reid) having sex. Upon introducing herself, Aaron escorts her out of the room and bluntly tells Kenneth that this whole country thing is getting out of hand, citing several new laws he made with Serena’s help.
That’s just it, Aaron says. It was nice when the two worked together, now Kenneth is trying to channel the worst tendencies of dictators. Kenneth counters by saying that all the women in Thistopia, sans Margaret, want to do him. Mentally burnt out, Aaron tells him to forget it and slams the door in him. He comes up to Brody, asking if he has a gun. He’s starting to think Margaret was talking some sense.
Aaron enters Dave’s house, finding that Mando has been arrested for reading a book made in America, and obtains a gun from Dave. He heads to the bathroom, unlocking the door before immediately closing it when he finds Margaret dry-humping a bar of soap. Charlize escapes the bathroom and bolts to the kitchen to get some beer, rambling about how Margaret introduced her to this ‘new world’. Horrified, Aaron tells Charlize that she may be getting an addiction, only for her to flip him off and tell him to go back to his friend.
After a few hours of contemplation, Aaron indeed goes back to Kenneth’s house, only to find him in an argument with now clearly wasted Charlize. Kenneth tells Charlize that she broke all the laws of Thistopia, but Charlize insists that he keeps changing the rules. Before the argument can get physical, Charlize proceeds to vomit on Kenneth and passes out. Horrified, Aaron calls an ambulance to take Charlize to a hospital. She later dies due to an overdose.
Outside the hospital, Kenneth smirks, stating that Charlize got what she deserved. In a rage, Aaron tells Kenneth that he’s lost the plot with all of this and quits being Thistopia’s vice president. Kenneth remains calm, however, claiming that once you’re a part of Thistopia, you can’t go back.
The next day, Kenneth gives a speech from his backyard, declaring that he has fired all members of his cabinet, claiming them to be traitors. Serena is then introduced as the new vice president and the two proceed to make out in front of everyone. In Dave’s house, Aaron calls a meeting with the now-fired group and tells them they must teach Kenneth a lesson on history. Mando offers to provide the group with war tactics used in prior wars in world history, but Dave warns them that Thistopia is too big at this point to handle on their own. Brody raises his hand, stating they might not need to worry about that, opening the door and revealing hundreds of men and women, all with a weapon of choice.
After a day of planning, Aaron, his army, and the police storm Kenneth’s house, Aaron holds a megaphone up, telling the people of Thistopia that they have been duped. Kenneth is not a leader, he is a monster who reacts without reason or logic. Unfortunately for him, the people of Thistopia have grown so attached to Kenneth, that they heckle him mercilessly. Kenneth opens his window, telling Serena that if he doesn’t make it, he can have his FunkoPops.
From there, the two groups of people clash, thousands upon thousands of people beating each other up. Brody and his Wild Animalz lead the charge, bashing any old man they see with a baseball bat. They stop however when Serena, unwilling to see the damage caused by this, attempts to distract them by flashing her chest. Dave, seeing this, tells them to forget the girl and go for the others.
Kenneth and Aaron continue to go at each other as the rest of the gangs fight one another. This takes us back to where we started as Kenneth lands a punch smack dab on Aaron’s jaw. Kenneth steps up to Aaron, declaring that he will start a genocide of the American people, starting with Aaron. After saying this, Kenneth grabs a knife from his pocket and appears ready to stab Aaron…
Only to be shot in the head by his sister Margaret, who is relieved to finally have some peace and quiet for her splitting headache. Silence falls as the ‘residents’ of Thistopia circle their former leader, crying hysterically. Margaret shrugs lackadaisically, stating that everyone was pissing her off before an officer takes her in handcuffs.
Aaron, Mando, Dave, and Brody stare at all of the carnage, mortified by it all. Aaron steps up to Kenneth, picking up his lifeless hand and asking him why he’d have to take it so far. A private funeral is held several days later between just Aaron, Dave, Brody, and Serena (who writes a note asking if Brody wants to hang out tomorrow).
The film cuts to black as the ghost of Kenneth Fuller tells the audience that they watched an absolute fuckwit running a country. He mentions that throughout time, there have been people like him that have lucked or forced their way into becoming leaders. Unlike most of them, he was honest. And people still followed him. Why?
“Because at the end of the day, some of us are just dicks.”
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