Genre: Action/Superhero/Comedy
Director: Rawson Marshall Thurber
Writer: APJ
Based on DC Comics characters
Cast: Glenn Howerton, Elisabeth Moss, Annie Murphy, Dan Fogler, H. Jon Benjamin, Anthony Ruivivar, Taylor Wily, David Dastmalchian
Plot: Patrick "Eel" O'Brian (Glenn Howerton) and Agent Nancy Morgan (Elisabeth Moss) are lounging on a beach together in Hawaii, when Nancy notices the criminal that she's been staking out. Turns out she's on a stakeout right now, and Patrick is just tagging along. Nancy grabs her radio and is about to call it in to her team, but Patrick stops her and reaches his arm out over 50 feet and trips the criminal, knocking him off his feet. The criminal and his cohorts look over and start shooting. Patrick stretches himself out, protecting Nancy and others from the gunfire. He then shoots all the bullets out back at the crooks that his body caught. The criminals hit the deck and surrender. Patrick tells Nancy now would be a good time for her and her team to arrest them. Nancy calls her superior over radio, and in less than a minute, Agent Felder (H. Jon Benjamin) leads an FBI SWAT team onto the beach to arrest the criminals. Felder congratulates Nancy on catching them, but she admits that it was all Patrick. Felder then begrudgingly thanks "Plastic Man" for the help.
Across town, Sheila Sorrell (Annie Murphy) is singing on the stage of a club - the Red Kona. She hits the wrong notes and the crowd starts booing. The club's owner, Koa Lokoa (Anthony Ruivivar), yells at her to get off the stage. Sheila goes backstage and begins crying. Koa's head of security, Pika (Taylor Wily), enters the dressing room to find Shiela half-undressed and still crying. He tells her that the boss man wants her out of the club quickly as her singing services will no longer be needed at the club. Pika leaves Sheila to finish packing her belongings. On her way out of the club, Sheila steals a small statue of Pohaku, the God of Rocks, and runs out of the Red Kona.
Agent Felder informs Nancy that is up for consideration to lead the Hawaii FBI field office as he is expected to go back to the Calumet City office shortly, but the higher-ups still would like someone experienced to lead things in Hawaii. Meanwhile, Patrick goes back to his hotel where he finds his best friend Wolfgang "Woozy" Winks (Dan Fogler) in the process of making hundreds upon hundreds of pancakes. Patrick asks Woozy why he's making so many, and Woozy insists that he found a new recipe and is just following the rules of practicing for 10,000 hours in order to become an expert pancake chef.
Discovering the Pohaku statue is missing, Koa orders Pika to track down Sheila and bring her and the statue back to him. To double the efforts to bring the statue back, Koa also contacts the FBI field office to report the theft. Agent Felder is informed by the locals that Koa Lokoa's family is very important on the islands and that he should task one of his best people on the case. Felder calls Nancy, who is at the hotel eating pancakes with Patrick. Felder asks Nancy to handle the investigation. When Nancy tells Patrick that she's responsible for trying to track down an ancient Hawaiian statue, Patrick gets excited and compares the mission to the Da Vinci Code. Nancy rolls her eyes and allows him to help. Woozy ducks his head out of the kitchen and asks if he can help as well. Patrick shrinks his body down to the size of a plastic army man and hops into Nancy's pocket as she leaves to go to the Red Kona Club. Woozy, meanwhile, stuffs his pockets full of pancakes and walks down to the Museum of Native Hawaiian History and Pineapple Plantation to research the missing Pohaku statue.
Sheila sits in her trailer on the outskirts of town when there is a pounding on the door. She grabs the statue to run away, but quickly realizes there is nowhere for her to go. She kneels with the statue and closes her eyes. Pika busts through the door and orders Sheila to turn around and give him his boss' statue back. Sheila turns around, revealing a body made of stone - a literal Granite Lady. She reaches her arm out and touches Pika's hand, turning it to stone as well. Pika panics and runs out of the trailer. Sheila looks at herself in the mirror and is surprised by her new stone form. She then realizes that the statue must have something to do with it, and kisses the Pohaku on the lips.
Nancy interviews Koa Lokoa in his office at the Red Kona Club. He explains that his family was tasked with watching over the Pohaku statue hundreds of years prior as the ancient natives that built it believe that the spirit of the God of Stone himself is kept within the statue. Patrick sneaks out of Nancy's pocket and goes to explore the club. He finds himself in a back room that is filled with crates of guns as well as crates of drugs. Patrick has to hide himself in a crate of guns with Pika runs in through the back door, screaming that Pohaku has taken his hand. Pika interrupts Nancy and Koa, yelling and waving his stone hand around in disbelief. Nancy asks Koa if there is anyone he can think of who would want to steal the statue, but Koa does not divulge Sheila's name. Nancy goes to her car outside. Patrick finally comes out of the club and tells her that it is pretty clear to him that Koa is using the club as a criminal front as he found guns and drugs in the back. Nancy tells Agent Felder about the guns and drugs, but he tells her that she does not have permission to investigate Koa Lokoa on any criminal charges as his family practically owns the island. Unless she can catch him literally in the act of killing someone, he's untouchable.
Patrick and Nancy drive to the Museum of Native Hawaiian History and Pineapple Plantation to pick up Woozy, who eagerly tells them all about the statue and Pohaku himself. He says that the guys in the pineapple fields told him that Pohaku was a vengeful god who would turn his enemies to stone over even small, petty grievances - legend even has it that some of the Hawaiian islands were created when he turned entire villages into stone and hurled them into the sea. Nancy says that would normally sound unbelievable, but she saw Koa's bodyguard's hand had been turned to stone by something and she doesn't know how anything could possibly do that.
Sheila walks down the city street, turning everything in her path to stone. She walks into an old bank and turns herself into stone. She then smashes through the bars on the vault and steals a few bags of money. When she gets away with the money, she stops to look at it. Sheila accidentally turns the money to stone as well, rendering it worthless. Sheila cries, but even her tears quickly turn to stone. When sirens approach, Sheila runs off, leaving the bags behind. Nancy and Agent Felder arrive at Sheila's trailer and the entire thing, and everything inside, have been turned to stone. Patrick arrives in his Plastic Man disguise to help. At the hotel, Woozy tells them that he found out from the workers in the pineapple fields that the only way to destroy Pohaku is the drop the statue in a volcano.
Sheila arrives at the Red Kona Club and demands a chance to redeem herself as a singer from Koa Lokoa. Koa orders Pika to attack her, but Sheila turns him entirely to stone. Koa, frightened, cowers behind his desk. Sheila walks over to him and gives him a kiss, turning his body to stone. Sheila takes to the stage and begins singing "99 Red Balloons". Things don't go exactly as she planned though, as the club-goers begin booing her rendition of Nena's song. She begins walking through the crowd, turning anyone not dancing to stone. When word of Sheila taking over the club reaches the FBI, Agent Felder orders Nancy to take charge of the situation. Nancy, unsure of what to do, asks Patrick for his superheroic assistance. Patrick asks for one favor first.
Chuck Brown (David Dastmalchian), also known as Kite Man, is on a prison plane over Hawaii with Agent Felder, who informs him that Agent Morgan and her unofficial team are responsible for deciding if he gets freedom or not. Felder gives Brown the coordinates of where to land, gives him his kite equipment and wishes him luck. Brown scratches his head for a moment before jumping out of the moving plane. When Brown lands, he finds Nancy and Plastic Man waiting for him. Brown is dismayed to see his former partner-in-crime once again and immediately becomes very depressed at Patrick and his new girlfriend being in-charge of his fate. They tell him that they need him flying overhead so that when Patrick gets hold of the statue, Brown can grab it and take it to be destroyed in a nearby volcano. Brown asks what he gets out of helping, and Nancy promises that she can have him transferred to a cushy prison on the island where he'll get plenty of outside time in the ocean breeze.
When Plastic Man finally enters the Red Kona Club, every single surface and person inside has been turned to stone by Sheila - who is still on-stage singing, poorly. Suddenly the stone dancers come to life and begin attacking Plastic Man. He wiggles his way through all the stone bodies, avoiding attacks, trying to reach for the Pohaku statue. Sheila tries touching Plastic Man to turn him to stone, but he keeps narrowly evading her grasp. He offers to give up if she will stop singing, but this only makes her more angry. Woozy wanders into the club, seemingly confused where he is at first. He walks through the dance floor, introducing himself to some of the stone dancers. Plastic Man asks Woozy what he's doing there. Woozy doesn't answer, but simply begins pulling pancakes out of his pocket to throw at Sheila. Plastic Man uses Woozy's distraction to finally grab hold of the Pohaku statue. He then uses his rubbery body to shoot the statue up into the sky like a slingshot. As instructed, Kite Man grabs the statue out of the air and flies it over to the nearest volcano. Once the Pohaku statue is destroyed, everything turned to stone by Sheila returns back to its normal state.
Patrick and Nancy are once again resting on the beach. Woozy is nearby making yet more pancakes over a campfire on the beach. Patrick asks Nancy if she's going to take over the Hawaii field office like Felder had offered. Nancy says Hawaii is simply too strange for her and she misses the normal, non-tropical god-related crimes in Calumet City.
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