Genre: Crime/Comedy
Director: Guy Ritchie
Writer: Jimmy Ellis & John Malone
Cast: Colin Farrell, Jason Statham, Florence Pugh, Hugh Grant, Richard E. Grant, Gemma Arterton, Joe Alwyn, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Andy Serkis, Ewan Bremner
Plot: Stuart (Colin Farrell) and Paul Lively (Jason Statham) are at the office of Stuart’s oncologist, Dr. Zito (Ewan Bremner). Zito tells them he has bad news, Stuart has exhausted all of the available treatments for Stuart’s cancer and it is terminal. Zito’s phone rings and he has to take the call. Stuart looks toward Paul with a sad look, but Paul just looks angry, he stares at Zito and clenches his fists. Stuart tries his hardest to calm him down but Paul attacks Zito and beats him to a pulp.
Crime boss William Hardwell (Hugh Grant) tells his enforcer, Mouse (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) and his cousin, Mason (Andy Serkis) that he has a very important meeting with the Prime Minister of England tonight and that he needs to be stress free for it. He tells Mouse and Mason to leave his office. Hardwell then begins speaking to himself about how much he indeed hates the French. He mocks their accent. Polly Goodfellow (Florence Pugh) then emerges from out under Hardwell’s desk, wiping her mouth. Hardwell hears French soccer fans chanting in the streets. Furious, Hardwell decides to grab a cricket bat from his wall and races out of his office. Polly then starts snooping through the office. She opens a briefcase, finding it is full of cash. She considers her prospects for a moment, before deciding to take the case of money and running out of the office.
Stuart and Paul are speeding away from Dr. Zito's office. Stuart is driving while chastising Paul for his violent actions. Paul says Zito deserved it and he would do the same thing again if given the chance. Stuart looks at Paul, and says that if he's going to die, he'd rather have Paul at his side than in jail. Suddenly, their car hits Polly. Her body tumbles over the top of the car, and Stuart slams on the brakes. They get out of the car and look at Polly's seemingly lifeless body. They start arguing about what to do. Paul says the girl appears to be dead, so they might as well just drive off and make an anonymous call for an ambulance from a pay phone. Polly's eyes open, startling Stuart and Paul. She offers them a lot of money to get her out of the area. She then passes out. Stuart notices that the car now has a broken headlight and wonders if the insurance will cover it. They load her and the briefcase into the back seat of their car and drive off.
The Prime Minister (Richard E. Grant) asks his secretary Constance (Gemma Arterton) about the schedule for the rest of the day. She says his day is free until a meeting scheduled that night. He asks who it's with. She tells him there is no name assigned to the meeting. She asks him if he's keeping the meeting. He asks her why, and if she has plans that evening. Constance pulls out her phone and begins recording and asks him if there's something unprofessional he'd like to say. He slumps down in his chair and shakes his head no. Constance stops the recording. The P.M. openly laments the days where high-ranking politicians not only could have affairs with their employees, but it was expected. Constance reminds the P.M. that those days are long gone and leaves the office.
Stuart and Paul bring Polly's unconscious body to their house. The neighbors watch as they carry her body inside. Paul tells the neighbors to mind their own business. The neighbors scurry inside.
Polly is conscious on a couch. The briefcase of money is open on a table. Stuart and Paul stare at the money and decide to count it. $250,000. Stuart wonders aloud how much the girl will pay them for getting her out of the street. Paul scoffs, saying he doubts she plans on giving money to the men who hit her with their car. Paul suggests they simply kill the girl and keep the money for themselves. Stuart is initially against killing her, but does like the idea of taking all the money and spending his last months in some island paradise far away from dreary London. Stuart tries to kiss Paul, but Paul stops him. He motions toward the unconscious Polly and says that they have a guest and he isn't fond of publicly displaying affections. He says that's what the bedroom is for. Polly suddenly wakes up.
Hardwell comes back into his office and begins wiping blood off of his cricket bat. He then realizes that both Polly and the briefcase are gone. He calls Mouse and Mason into his office and demands that they find Polly and his money. He reaches into a bowl of oranges on his desk and begins eating one while he stresses the importance of getting the briefcase back. Mason asks Hardwell whats up with the oranges. Mouse says he was thinking the same thing since they aren't in season currently. Hardwell sighs and explains that in The Godfather films, oranges represent death - and if they don't find Polly and his money they'll learn that first hand.
The awake Polly notices that Stuart and Paul have found the money. She gets up to retrieve it and leave, but Paul blocks her. She says she'll give them half the money if they simply let her go. Paul interjects that they could easily just take all the money. Sirens blare as police cars cruise by outside the house. Stuart suggests that everyone calm down and have some tea. Polly's phone rings. She answers it. It's her boyfriend Marcus Baynes (Joe Alwyn). He says he just wanted to say hello before he goes out to fight in a boxing match and asks where she is. Polly asks Stuart and Paul for their address. Stuart instinctively gives it to her, and she gives it to Marcus. Paul stares at Stuart, befuddled, and asks why he'd give away their address like that. He adds that they can't kill her now. Polly ends the phone call with Marcus.
Marcus is in the locker room wrapping up his hands. His trainer reminds Marcus that Hardwell has ordered that he goes down in the third round. Marcus says he's never failed at taking a dive and he doesn't intend to start now.
Mouse and Mason sit in a car debating how they are supposed to find Polly. Mouse suggests that they can follow Marcus after the fight. He's bound to meet up with Polly at some point. Mason asks why he says that, and Mouse says that everyone knows that Polly and Marcus are an item. If she's going to run away with a briefcase full of money, she's likely to have him tag along.
Marcus is clearly a better boxer than his opponent, but money talks. As soon as the bell starts Round 3, Marcus gets up close to his opponent and takes a left hook to the face. The punch doesn't land cleanly and barely hits Marcus, but he tosses himself to the mat and the referee counts to ten. As soon as he gets to ten and the referee signals the winner of the fight, Marcus stands up. The crowd boos Marcus, but he calmly heads back to the locker room and gets dressed.
The Prime Minister asks Constance to call a number for him and patch it through to his line. She asks why he can't just dial it on his phone himself. The PM says that he is an important man and important men don't do such things. Constance asks if he's suggesting that women should be dialing phones for important men across the globe. The PM immediately begins sweating. Constance gets her phone ready to record the PM's response. The PM then reveals that he doesn't know how to work the new phones. Constance heads back to her desk. The PM's phone soon begins to ring. Hardwell is on the other end. The PM asks if they are still on for their meeting that night and asks if he has the money. Hardwell says he's working on the money. The PM reminds Hardwell that he has valuable information that he wouldn't want the tabloids getting a hold of. Hardwell insists the PM will have his money later that night.
Marcus collects an envelope of money and leaves the building. Mason is asleep in the car. Mouse smacks him awake and alerts him to Marcus leaving the building. Marcus gets on his motorcycle and rides away. Mason tries starting the car, but it stalls. He tries again and it works. Mouse tells him to catch up, but not to get too close - even a simpleton like Marcus can spot a tail.
Back at the Lively Residence, Polly is on the phone with Marcus who can't seem to find the house. Stuart gives her the address again, once again to Paul's annoyance. Stuart tells Paul to lighten up - they're not killing the girl. Polly asks the two to stop talking about killing her. Stuart apologizes. Marcus says he's arrived and knocks at the door. Polly tells him that he must have the wrong house, because there is no knock where she is. Marcus runs away from the door when a naked elderly woman answers the door. He gets back on his motorcycle and rides away.
Mouse and Mason are still tailing Marcus, but are annoyed that Marcus doesn't seem to know where he's going. Mason asks Mouse what he thinks Marcus is doing. Mouse says Marcus clearly doesn't know where Polly is either - that or he's started selling magazine subscriptions door to door. Mason is confused by this since he doesn't see Marcus with any magazines.
Constance asks the PM if she's free to leave for the night, but the PM says he needs her to stay until after his meeting. Constance tells the PM he better keep his hands to himself since they're alone in the building at this point. The PM says he's never so much as touched her, let alone inappropriately. Constance tells him to keep it that way and goes back to her desk.
Marcus finally finds the correct address and is greeted at the door with a kiss from Polly. He asks who the gay blokes are, and she tells him that they hit her with their car and brought her to their house while they debated whether or not they should kill her and steal all the money that she stole from Hardwell. The shear amount of information that Polly rattles off leaves Marcus confused. Paul tells Stuart that it's not too late to kill them and take all the money. Marcus rips off his shirt and gets ready to fight. Polly offers a deal to everyone in the room. If Stuart and Paul help them get to the Chunnel to France, Polly will give them half of the money. Stuart and Paul accept the offer.
Mouse and Mason are parked in front of the Lively Residence. Mason says they should just go in guns blazing, kill everyone and collect Hardwell's briefcase. Mouse thinks about it for a moment, but admits that he can't think of a better idea right now.
Hardwell arrives at the PM's office and is greeted by Constance. She tells him to have a seat and she will let the PM know he has arrived. Hardwell starts to get angry again as he hears French soccer hooligans outside celebrating their victory against his beloved Arsenal team. Hardwell clenches his fists. Constance says she thinks those French frogs should hop back across the water to their own country and eat some more pastries. Hardwell's face brightens up with a big smile. He asks Constance her feelings regarding the French, and she tells him she hates the whole lot of them. Hardwell admits that he beat several of them with a cricket bat earlier in the day. Constance says that the best thing about cricket is that they don't play it in France.
Stuart, Paul, Marcus and Polly plan out the escape. Stuart and Paul will drive their car to the Chunnel with Marcus and Polly hiding with the money in the back. When they reach the Chunnel, Polly will give them $125,000. Marcus and Polly will then take a train away to France. They all agree on this plan and get ready to go.
Mouse and Mason get out of their car and burst through the front door of the Lively residence. Marcus punches Mason, causing Mason to accidentally fire his gun. The bullet blasts through Mouse's face, splattering blood and brain all over Stuart and Paul's walls. Mason then gets back into the car and speeds away. Stuart starts cleaning up the bloody mess before any of their nosy neighbors notice anything.
The PM opens his office door and invites Hardwell inside. The PM asks where the money is, and Hardwell says that the money will be delivered upon the collection of the incriminating evidence the PM has. The PM laughs at Hardwell and tosses him a folder. Hardwell pulls out a lighter and sets the folder on fire on top of the PM's desk. The PM says he doesn't think anyone will take offense to Hardwell having French ancestry. Hardwell tells him there's nothing worse than being French. His men would never fear him again if they knew his great-grandparents were French. The PM demands the money now that he's held up his end of the deal. Hardwell pulls out his phone.
Mason's phone begins ringing. He looks at it, seeing that Hardwell is trying to call him. Mason throws his phone out the car window.
Paul, Stuart, Marcus and Polly cram into the Lively's small car. Polly clutches the briefcase of money against her chest on the floor of the backseat. As they get close to the Chunnel, they are pulled over by a police officer. Stuart puts a blanket over Marcus and Polly in the back. The police officer begins writing a ticket, and Paul demands to know why. The police officer tells him that they have a broken headlight (caused when they hit Polly at the beginning of the film). Paul gets out of the car to look at the headlight. He kicks the front of the car, breaking the other headlight. The police officer tells him to get back in the car. Stuart gets out of the car to calm Paul down. The officer writes them a second ticket for the second broken headlight. Stuart and Paul get back into the car and realize that Polly, Marcus and the money are no longer there.
Hardwell leaves the PM's office, defeated. Constance tells him that she's about to leave the office and asks Hardwell if he'd like to get a drink with her. Maybe they can beat up some Frenchies together. Hardwell smiles, and tells Constance that he'd like that.
Mason drives his car on to a ferry to Northern Ireland. He throws all of his identification into the water, vowing to himself that he will be able to start a new life in a new country where the British police will never be able to catch him (apparently unaware that Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom).
Paul and Stuart return to their house, the two of them forgot about the dead body laying in the entry. Paul is furious and kicks the body a few times. Stuart calms him down and the two begin taking care of the body together.
The PM has it published in the tabloids that local crime boss William Hardwell has French ancestry. The PM is laughed out of office for thinking anyone would care that someone has French ancestry. The tabloids then go after the PM for his bigotry. The PM apologizes to Constance since she will be out of a job now that he is being removed as the PM. She tells him that she isn't worried about it. She has fallen in love with a rich, successful local crime boss.
Polly and Marcus are at a small café in France. The two of them sit and eat croissants, smiling and laughing with each other, the briefcase of cash sits at their feet.
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