Genre: Comedy/Drama
Director: Nancy Meyers
Writer: Eden Townsend
Cast: Liam Neeson, Mandy Patinkin, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Meryl Streep, JK Simmons, Stephen Root, Jonathan Banks, Katey Sagal, Bo Burnham, Mary Steenburgen, Morena Baccarin
Plot: On Herb Winter’s (Liam Neeson) 75th birthday, he attends his wife’s funeral. In voiceover, he gripes that, while he maybe didn’t want her to die, he hasn’t had sex in decades. He’s been faithful, but now it’s time to get some. Herb talks to mourners in the wake, and his best friend Jules Rosenbaum (Mandy Patinkin) is described as “a Jewish Mister Rogers.” Throughout his conversation, the voiceover continues, providing ironic commentary to the relatively innocuous things Herb says. For example, Herb bugs Jules for details on Spruce Gardens, a retirement community with a 4:1 woman:man ratio. Jules sarcastically plays it off and grumbles about Herb’s lack of compassion for his own wife. Cheryl (Morena Baccarin), Herb’s good-looking real estate agent, approaches, and Herb thinks lewd things while discussing his home’s sale.
When Herb arrives at Spruce Gardens, Kate Bentley (Jennifer Jason Leigh) gives him a grand tour. She shows Herb the music room and asks if he plays an instrument. Herb told her piano years ago. She offers him the gym and asks if he works out; Herb says he hasn’t since served in Korea. Kate says her dad was in Korea, which stings Herb. Wanda Newton (Meryl Streep) walks by, “eye-fucking” Herb as she passes. Kate asks what Herb used to do for a living; Herb sold typewriters, and not very well. Kate suggests it was a good fit—piano and typing.
Later, in the cafeteria, Herb tries to discuss all the feminine potential at Spruce Gardens, but Jules has no interest. Instead, Herb finds like minds in Elmer Williams (Jonathan Banks) and Charlie Hasselback (Stephen Root), longtime residents who have a good thing going with Spruce Gardens’ women. They immediately welcome Herb to the fold as they discuss fond wartime memories of women. Elmer and Charlie give Herb the lay of the land, describing each woman and her foibles. Herb’s really interested in Kate, but the others believe she’s too young—there’s no way she’ll give him the time of day. Herb asks who he should approach instead. They ask how long it’s been since he’s had sex. Herb can’t even remember. Finally, Elmer and Charlie suggest Wanda Newton.
Later, Herb watches TV in his room. Eva Janikowski (Mary Steenburgen) arrives, offering him a carrot cake while making lewd advances. The process repeats with Irish Shalov and homemade toasted almonds, Patty Delano and meatloaf, and Wanda Newton and…nothing. She just volunteers to have sex with him. Wanda asks if Herb has a condom, but Herb is baffled by the suggestion. Fortunately, Wanda has one for him. Herb goes into the bathroom to get it on but is unable. Wanda has extras. After several unsuccessful attempts, he finally gets a condom on…only to lose his erection a few seconds into it. The next day, Charlie and Elmer chastise Herb for not taking Viagra and not having his own condoms. Herb takes their abuse, but the others agree to help him. That night, he has some pills, condoms, and an illustration of correctly putting one on. Everything’s going according to plan… Except Wanda dropped dead.
Kate, waiting with some paramedics, is surprised to see Herb there. They have an awkward conversation, during which Kate politely consoles him. The next day, Herb is enraged that Wanda dared to die before Herb could sleep with her. Charlie and Elmer tell him it could be worse; she could have been killed during the act, which would cause Herb to get blackballed in Spruce Gardens. However, women don’t want to take chances. Jules is offended by the course the conversation has taken, but the others ignore him. They tell the detailed story of one man who “killed” a woman through sex, then suggest to Herb that Eva might be his best bet now that Wanda’s out of the picture. They tell him to wait a couple of days, and then things should be back to normal.
The instant he says that, Mike Miller (JK Simmons) arrives. A tan, well-muscled Lothario in his mid-60s, Mike’s an instant hit with the ladies—witty, charming, loaded with stories and life experience. Charlie, Elmer, and especially Herb see their chances dwindling before their eyes. They try to convince Mike that Spruce Gardens is filled with frigid women at death’s door, but Mike doesn’t fall for it. That night, through the thin walls, Herb overhears the sounds of Mike having sex with Eva. Weeks later, Herb is livid, even more than the others—after all, they had their fun before Mike arrived. Herb never got his chance. Jules uncovered that Mike used to work in pharmaceuticals and has access to experimental, unapproved drugs that provide super erections. They’re all angry, but they have no recourse. Mike has them beat.
Late one night, Herb has trouble sleeping. He gets up and pounds out the first movement of Beethoven’s fifth symphony. He stops suddenly when Kate arrives, telling Herb one of the residents complained about the noise. They have a drink together, during which time Kate talks nonstop about Herb’s wife. Later that night, Herb once again pitches the idea of sleeping with Kate to Charlie, Elmer, and Jules. They agree it’ll never happen; while Charlie and Elmer suggest that Iris remains untouched by Mike, Jules knows better. Herb is ready to bust, though—he needs to sleep with somebody. Instead, they start masturbating and smoking again.
Herb proposes a plan to recondition to compete with Mike, but neither Charlie nor Elmer is interested. For some reason, Jules sticks by Herb. They start walking, which Herb suggests will eventually build up to running. Meanwhile, Mike blows by them, running along the jogging trail. Herb decides they can’t compete in stamina, so they should try a technique. They drive to a dilapidated house. Jules explains he found a sexpert on the Internet who offers a training course.
Jackson Johnson (Bo Burnham), a scruffy loser in his 30s, invites them inside. Jackson tells them he usually likes to take things slow, but he can tell they’re motivated. He says he’ll skip nipple play and clitoral stimulation because he assumes they already know how to do all that. When Jules protests, Herb subtly kicks him and agrees that yes, they do. Jackson moves them to more advanced techniques. He produces some sex dolls for them to practice various positions and techniques. That night, Jules is concerned Jackson slipped a disk. Herb grumbles that he shouldn’t be so negative, suggesting they just stretch next time. Herb is pleased with the results of their tutoring session.
Next on the agenda, Herb decides they must get involved in cultural appreciation to create the illusion of sensitivity and “outclass” Mike. Herb and Jules go to a painting class run by Kate. Herb’s work isn’t outstanding, but Kate compliments it anyway. Kate presents a live, nude model, exciting Herb—until he finds out it’s Mike. Herb breaks the bad news to Charlie and Elmer.
Late one night, Kate comes to Herb’s room. She tells him she was thinking about her deceased husband’s old piano and wants to take some lessons. Herb is surprised and a little deflated. He says he’d be happy to teach her, but he’s mainly interested in classical music that’s too advanced for a novice. Kate shrugs, suggesting she’d instead learn something more modern, like the Beatles. Herb’s never heard of them, but he agrees to give her lessons anyway. Herb borrows some Beatles records from Jules and is surprised by how good they are. Jules is surprised that he’s never listened to the Beatles. Herb gripes that there are a lot of things he hasn’t done, but nothing’s going to stop him this time—he’s going to fuck Kate. Herb gripes about his dead wife, whom Jules tries to defend, but Herb won’t hear it. He wants sex.
Herb goes to a record store and buys Beatles sheet music. He preps for Kate by practicing with a sex doll, practicing the Beatles songs on the piano, shaving his pubes, buying some penile enlargement pills. Still, everything screeches to a halt when Herb catches Mike and Kate waving at each other and having a conversation that almost seems romantic. Sometime later, Herb realizes how to take Mike out of the equation—they engineer a situation to get his cock blackballed at Spruce Gardens. Herb asks Jules who’s the most decrepit, at-death’s-door woman in the place. Jules suggests Rose Chandler (Katey Sagal). Herb gives Mike some “friendly advice” about Rose. That night, Herb eavesdrops and hears what he assumes is Mike fucking Rose to death. The next day, they all discover that not only is she alive, but she looks and acts 20 years younger.
Kate has her piano lesson. Herb teaches her to play “Let It Be,” and as she sings along with the music, Herb leans in. He’s ready to make a move when Kate stops, declaring piano playing better than sex.
Herb offers another piano lesson. He goes back to the record store and asks the clerk for sheet music for a song that’ll get a girl to sleep with him. Herb gets ready for the next lesson, which is Viagra, condoms, looks. He plies Kate (and himself) with some gin, then teaches her to play “Faithfully” by Journey. As she plays, Herb leans in to make his move, but Kate’s horrified and offended. Herb’s embarrassed, especially when she tells him to go and to ask for a ride home. Herb goes to Jules to tell him what happened, but he and Jules get into it about Herb’s wife. Jules is very passionate about the subject, and Herb slowly figures out that Jules was in love with her. He never crossed the line, but he spent decades in love with Herb’s wife. Before he can react to this, Jules collapses. Sometime later, Christmas is arriving, and rumors have floated around Spruce Gardens. Suddenly Herb is blackballed and not just his cock.
Mike Miller sits with Herb and tries to extend an olive branch; thanks for his tip on Rose Chandler. They go to a bar and get loaded, and eventually, Herb confesses that he’s never even called a blowjob. Mike’s aghast, so he drags Herb to a “gentlemen’s club”—as a Christmas gift. Mike gives Herb one of his secret pills, and the effect is instant. Herb gets into a room with a prostitute and realizes this isn’t what he wants. Before he has the chance to say anything, Mike drops dead in another room. Herb attends Mike’s funeral and gives a lovely eulogy about him. This puts him back in the good graces of the Spruce Gardens folks. After the funeral, Herb lies next to his wife’s grave and recalls a few happy memories, but he realizes she loved Jules all along, as well. He apologizes for that. He wishes he had died, so she and Jules could be happy. Kate catches Herb lying on a grave, talking to himself. He explains the situation and apologizes for the incident at the piano lesson. Kate suggests maybe they could have another lesson, and then they start to kiss.
They go back to Kate’s apartment and make love. Herb tries a tricky maneuver in the middle of it, and they both end up in the hospital with back injuries. While at the hospital, Herb visits Jules and apologizes for never treating him like a friend. Jules asks why Herb’s in the hospital, but Herb’s reluctant to tell for fear of giving him another heart attack. Jules insists, and he nearly has one after the shock of learning Herb and Kate had sex. Herb says that as he collapsed, he had a near-death experience and couldn’t help thinking that all the good times in his life involved hanging around with Jules. Later, Herb and Kate have an awkward reunion, but Kate mentions a “next time,” which encourages Herb. On his 76th birthday, everyone’s at the party, and Kate marches out with his birthday cake—and he’s never been happier in his entire life.
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